Everybody thinks fussing and fighting is a sign of a healthy relationship but not in my case. Situation’s are getting worse between both of us. Knowing that we don’t see each other even a few times in a month and our conversation sometimes cut off. It’s hella been a upside down in our relationship. It’s not healthy at all, although I’ve been trynna think the opposite and brighter way but I know deep inside my heart it doesn’t seem right. Even my homies always trynna make me feel that it’s normal, normal, normal but is it?? (I need a reply, seriously)
Then as I try to think and reminisce all those problems we had, I realized that it’s my fault.. ALL THE TIME! I always say sorry and keep apologizing until everythngs back to normal again but it shouldn’t be that way. When she says sorry to me, I always feel this security that it’s good again and no more grudges. Reality check here, I admit that it’s always me who make her feel sad about our relationship, upto now. What was I thinking? Am I this bad in handling this kind of relationship, well, not this kind cause this is the first relationship I had and im serious with this. And if I am, why am I not taking this so seriously that I have to make her feel unworthy of everything! Im such a loser. Im not like those guys who can handle relationship the best way possible. I love her but I feel like shes not contented (although she always say it’s ok and she understand it but I deeply think it’s NOT - it never was!) Im making feel myself bad right now because it’s true!
This is a challenge for me, without conflicts and without her standing up to her principles and what she believes for a relationship, everything will completely fall apart. Shes right! She never was wrong. Shes very good at this “relationship” thing! And im not, which I am supposed to. Gawd, should I need a tutor. KC? Nah, this aint good! I don’t want somebody to be handling this between us. I should be standing up for myself and standing up for my girlfriend. I love her soo much that everytime we have a problem I always feel so nervous and uncomftable to function each day. I love her so much that I would give up everything even my friends’s opinions. I love her so much that every single day I think about her and not texting her makes me feel crazy [and this what it’s all about – (STORY: im being real here, not to impress everybody or further explain what really happened. I was supposed to text her and I ddnt and ur prolly wondering why.. I ddnt text her cause I don’t want her to feel useless and forgotten and made her think that I wasn’t making efforts to communicate with her. i was thinking that I have this Sun sim preloaded already and I don’t wanna waste it. I left it in the car and the car wasn’t in my house for the next couple of days cause they have to customized it and I was expecting to get it as early as possible but I wasn’t able to. Then there goes myself, sick literally that I had to go to sleep and not drop a message her on Facebook saying that I cant text her for now and MAYBE tomrw I could get my sim but I ddnt and that’s prolly why shes upset or it’s just that shes been holding her aches and grudge for sooo long that it all came as whole and she just had to spill it all out for me to realize it. Shes good, very good! No joke. A girl who totally knows how to make me realize my asshole-ness.)] now, I am having hard time sleeping and functioning each day cause there goes this BIG (for me) problem again. This is crap, a crap that I made not for the first time, second time, third time, but the crap that I routinely do.
Honey, if you’re reading this. I am soooo sooo sorry :’( sorry for everyhthing I did for the past few months of our relationship. You’ve heard me said this several times already but I’ve never been so sorry for you and for myself. It made me realize how jerk and stupid I am for not treating u the way u should be treated. Huney, I know that your status in Facebook is just the most realist shit I’ve read so far about u, standing up for what u must do and for that, it’s such a great credit for a girl to have. It sounds harsh for people to see it but they ddnt realize how much it affected me and how much it made me think that u should be the girl that you’re supposed to be. KC told me that sometimes, ur afraid to yell at me or to just be mad at me cause we might end up giving up with each other. I wont, and maybe for such a looong time that I’ve been treating u this way, u should’ve already! I jst thank you for giving me chances after chances. Im crying right now, no lie! You have no idea how much u made me realize things. How much u shot me through my heart. I love you so much and I wont give up on u. I just hope u forgive me cause I always try to become a better person, a better boyfriend for u. I have never loved a girl like this my entire life that I have to suffer each day when problem strikes. My flaws are my weakness. You are my happiness and my weakness. I think of u every single day, no other girls in my mind. I’ve learned my lesson now, very valuable one. I hope everythng would b back to normal again and Im serious with this! :’( it’s my fault and im sorry. Please forgive me. I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH IT HURTS :’(
